The Headache
by RavenclaWriteRules
Summary: "But Sasuke-" "Here, eat this. Sakura likes cereal, right? Here you go." "Mph!" "Sakura not like cereal? Then be quiet and don't bother me or my new best friend. Cereal's free, I stole it from Naruto's kitchen." AU. Sasuke never knw it was such a headache to be head of Uchiha Co., even with a subdued Naruto and Sakura. Also, note to stalker; the threatening letter isn't helping.
1. The Evil Chocolate is Dark

What a fine day it was to be the head of Uchiha Co. What a wonderful day in the neighbor-

Really, it was a troublesome, headache-filled day.

All Sasuke Uchiha had asked for was that his supposedly genius assistant Sakura find him the mass-murderer Kira so he could murder someone (being the head of a company guaranteed that you'd need to find somebody to murder). Instead, Sakura brought back a talkative blonde girl with pigtails, a confused teenager with brown hair, a he-she with long blonde hair dressed in leather who kept talking about her/his 'friend' Matt, and maybe a few more.

"Please, Sasuke-kuuun?" Sakura walked forward. Her lip trembled and her eyes grew three times their size. Sasuke coldly drenched her in a bucket of freezing, soapy water. "Sasukeee! We ran into a lot of trouble, you don't even know that none of them is Kira, it's not our fault, first of all-"

"Here!" Sasuke shoved a mouthful of cereal into her mouth. "Remember that you are indebted to me by several hundred million dollars for saving you, Sakura. Now, do you still wish to talk again?"

"Mph-" Sakura tried to talk again.

"More cereal?" Sasuke scooped a handful out of the box and roughly shoved it into her mouth as well. Sakura shook her head. "Sakura not like cereal? Very well! Is Sakura going to complain again?" She shook her head, angry tears streaming down her cheeks. "Good girl. Now go away. Cereal is free, I stole it out of Naruto's kitchen." Sakura spat out the cereal and ashamedly dragged herself back towards the yellow truck where the other strange people were standing.

"Excellent, does anybody have any more complaints?" Sasuke asked, his voice dangerously low and calm. "How curious to know you were involved in this," he narrowed his eyes at Sakura, who lowered her head. "I am very disappointed in you for such-"

"Hey! Why aren't you letting us into your hideout, eh? Just because you think you're all rich and stuff-" the teenager with long blond hair and leather, not sure which gender, ran at Sasuke waving a gun.

"Servant One," Sasuke said coolly. Instantly the blonde teenager was hit by a stun gun and crumpled. "Excellent. Now, Sakura, and you-" he pointed at the cooperative brown-haired teenager, "stay back."

"But-" Sakura spoke.

"Sakura doesn't like cereal? Here, have some chocolate," Sasuke calmly dropped a truffle and threw the golden wrapping paper over his shoulder. "Your debt has now increased by five hundred dollars," he announced. Sakura glared at him. "As for the rest of you," Servant One handed him a pail of cold water and a heavy pack of thousand-dollar bills.

"Choose wisely. I don't ever want to see your ugly yellow dumpy truck on my property, or Servant One will explode it gladly. Naruto!"

Naruto walked up, looking extremely nervous.

"Get me another cereal box for Sakura, and nice choice in associations," Sasuke hissed, emptying the pail of cold water down Naruto's shirtcollar and throwing the empty pail at him. Naruto dodged it. "You have been relegated to Servant level. Your number is now Fifty-Three, last position. Understand I am being merciful."

"Yes, Sasuke," Naruto answered, his eyes downcast.

"As for Servant One," Sasuke turned, "due to your faithfulness to me, you will be promoted to Secretary position. You may remove your mask and request to be called by name." Servant One nodded.

"Now leave me alone. My head hurts from talking to you pathetic worms."

* * *

><p><em>Dear Sasuke Uchiha,<em>

_I have found out that Uchiha Co. is a highly corrupt, evil, and greedy place. Your methods are what can be described as abusive, utilitarian, with lack of respect for dignity and are on far past the border of illegal. Rest assured that I will hand you in to the rightful side. Even Kira will not stop me, because I have moved to someplace out of his range._

_Love,_

_Neo Van Erst, who promises to bring you down. _

"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled. "Get me a hitman."

"A hitman?" Naruto asked worriedly. "Well, your past hired assassins Ka-Kakashi and your brother Itachi of the Akatsuki gang refuse to cooperate..."

"Stupid idiot! Just get me some people who are capable of getting rid of somebody!" Sasuke yelled, frustrated. "Here is your debt," he pointed at a sheet of paper. "Nobody, Naruto, has ever accumulated as much money to be owed to me. Nobody has experienced my mercy and tired my patience any more. Get to it, immediately."

"I-I will," Naruto answered. "I-I know an association," he suggested nervously.

"Excellent. I will forgive 0.00001% of your debt if you do so," Sasuke hissed coolly. "Sakura!" He yelled out. Sakura walked up, her face rather pallid. He grinned like a wolf cornering its prey, knowing it had won. "You're smart. Find out who Kira is," he spoke.

"Kira? But he's just a myth! No serial killer can manipulate people into getting heart attacks! Science and logic-" Sakura spoke.

"Excuse me!" Sasuke spoke sharply. "How much do you think your education at the best colleges to sharpen your intellect cost me, _dear?_ How much money must I put into you, if there will never be _no use for it?_"

"Un-understood," Sakura bowed her head.

"You two! One for strength, another for intelligence. I have sponsored you both, and in the end, you are still incompetent, no brawn whatsoever! If you cannot pay me back in money, then do so through your actions!" Sasuke hollered.

Trembling, Naruto and Sakura quickly exited the room. Sasuke took another look at the letter, memorized it, then scoffed and called up Servant One.

"Photocopy then laminate this, and ensure it does not get lost or I will kill you!" He yelled. Servant One nodded and exited swiftly. Sasuke groaned and rubbed his head.

He had a terrible headache, what with all of the trouble it took to run a company.

* * *

><p>"Now," Sasuke nodded to Servant One, "it is your initiation ceremony as the new secretary of Uchiha Co. Congratulations on making it to this high position. Understand that your job as a Servant was nothing compared to the responsibilities you now have." Servant One nodded silently. "It has been a week since that dreaded letter arrived, and your loyalty and competence and help to me have been indispensable. Any requests?"<p>

"If it is not too troubling," Servant One spoke, "may I still be called Servant One and retain my mask?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, then," he answered. It should be fine. After all, Sakura and Naruto knew his identity and could easily get rid of him if he proved subversive or tried to overthrow him.

He then turned towards his assistant and second-in-command, Sakura, and his former secretary Naruto. They were paralyzed with fear. Sakura nervously stared around. She was the only one wearing casual clothes for a teenage girl. Naruto nervously plucked at the collar of the stiff-necked, business-built suit, not at all like the "cool" and flamboyant fashions he used to wear.

"Here," he handed them papers. "These are proof that you are now Servant Fifty-Three and you are now dead. These ensure that you will no longer live that spoiled life you had. I do not care about your family or friends. As a dead person, Sakura Haruno will now be able to spend her full time and act useful, whereas Naruto Uzumaki will learn the true cost of angering me."

"A death certificate?" Sakura whispered with shock. "Sasuke, this-"

"Silence! You two are quite daring," Sasuke glared, "speaking up and getting yourself into such trouble. I have room for boldness, but not for stupidity and rebelliousness. Naruto, your Yellow Truck Association was full of weirdos who were clearly incapable at accomplishing the job I would have given them, and Sakura has not found Kira's identity yet. At your request, I will extend your deadline by three days, but at the cost of three hundred million."

"Sakura didn't-" Naruto began. Sasuke frowned and reached for the pail next to him.

"No!" Sakura stopped him. "I apologize...it was my fault. I thought...we were friends," she spoke, ashamed, embarrassed and disappointed, her face reddening and eyes downcast.

"But of course we are best friends," Sasuke answered. "Are we not?" He asked dangerously. "Did I not help you out in your time of need? Pay for whatever you wanted? Clothe you, care for you, watch you, give you high positions?" Sakura squeezed her eyes, tears falling and her shame growing more apparent. "But that does not mean you receive special treatment. Here, we are all equal, is that not so?" He asked.

"Y-yes, sir," Sakura answered.

"I thought we agreed you could call me Sasuke!" Sasuke roared. "After all, we are best friends. Correct?"

"Well, best friends-" Naruto spoke.

Sasuke dowsed him. "_Real_ best friends," he hissed, "would not abandon me. They would listen and obey selflessly, without being afraid of sacrificing themselves, because they would be my best friends. They would _not_ plot against me."

"We never-!" Naruto began.

"Here you go," Sasuke stuck a pacifier into his mouth. "Ahaha, that truly fits you, you big baby," he grinned and admired his work as Naruto frowned and tried to get the pacifier out. Panicked, muffled screams came from Naruto as he realized something. Sakura's mouth dropped as she stared at Sasuke, horrified.

"Oh, my, did I mention it has super glue on it? I guess if you want to breathe through your mouth again, you'll have to stay quiet until I nicely free you. Blow often." He threw a box of tissues at Naruto's face, which he caught. "Now," he crossed his legs on the table, "get rid of them, Servant One."

"Understood," Servant One nodded.

Sasuke groaned and rubbed his head, trying to soothe the spasms of pain.

"Problems, sir?" Servant One asked.

"A horrid migraine for each side of my head," Sasuke answered. "Must be the stress..."

Five minutes later, Servant Thirty-Five escorted the brown-haired teenager into the room.

"Listen up," Sasuke spoke. "Tell me what was going on. I would ask Sakura, but she would take forever to finish and that would be most annoying, don't you agree?" he laughed lightheartedly. The teenager did not laugh. Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

"Uchiha-san," Light spoke slowly, "is afraid of somebody, is he not?"

Sasuke's eyes widened. He frowned deeply. "Speak, kid," he raised an eyebrow, not too pleased.

"I'm actually maybe only a year younger than you," the young man spoke. "You try to look older than anyone, but really your older brother Itachi is only in his twenties, so you really can't be that old," he grinned. Sasuke clenched his teeth, his hand trying to soothe his head from all the throbbing.

"Sure, whatever you say, kid," Sasuke fake-laughed. "Enough jokes. So, what's your association about?"

"We make people disappear," the teenager answered.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, then he threw back his head and laughed.

"Make people disappear? Cute," he patted the teenager lightly on the head. "Here, I'll send you back to school, where do you go to?" He asked, pulling out his cell phone. "Servant One, can you get a ride to his home?"

"No, no, no," the teenager laughed and lowered Sasuke's hand that was holding the cell phone. "I think an introduction is due. My name is Light Yagami, and I am Kira."

Sasuke's frown at the audacity of the kid to touch him dissipated and was replaced with a smirk.

"Well, well, well." Sakura's innocent, worried face flashed into his mind. The pink-haired girl would be getting a promotion if she was lucky. "First of all, if you are Kira, then I will pay a large amount of money if you promise me you can get rid of a certain man."

"Straight to the point, eh?" Light mirrored his smirk. "Well, I hate chitchat, too. I will prove to you that I am Kira by killing somebody unimportant."

"Kakashi Hatake, then," Sasuke answered. "He's quite daring, refusing to work with me."

"Your tutor?" Light asked.

"Let us imply a no personal questions rule," Sasuke slowly and lovingly fingered the handle of his trusty pail.

"Understood. It will be done within one minute."

Sasuke blinked.

Light laughed. "You see, Uchiha-san, I do not need to be within the presence of my victims." He took out a sheet of paper from his shirt pocket along with a pen from Sasuke's desk. "Now, please describe how you wish for Kakashi Hatake to die."

"As little suspiciously as possible," Sasuke answered. "You may come up with the details."

"Very well. Allow me to gather my thoughts. Suicide sound good?" Light scribbled a few notes on the paper then folded it up neatly and placed it in his shirt pocket. "Very well. By the name of God, have Kakashi Hatake die by manner of suicide at 5:30 in his home." He closed his eyes, touched a strange necklace at his throat and folded his hands.

"Is he dead?" Sasuke asked eagerly.

"Mmm," Light opened his eyes. "It is done," he nodded.

"Servant One! Find out the status of Kakashi Hatake!" Sasuke called over the intercom.

Five minutes later, the flat and monotone voice of Servant One answered "Kakashi Hatake is dead, having committed suicide at 5:30 in his home."

Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Give me another test," he urged Light. "Itachi Uchiha."

"Hm. Your brother?" Light asked.

"Yes, yes," Sasuke answered impatiently. "You looked into me?"

"Oh, no," Light answered, chuckling. "Your assistant Sakura proved to be quite talkative. She really loves to talk, doesn't she?" He asked.

"Whatever. Hurry up," Sasuke ordered.

Light grinned then took out his paper and pen. "Details of death?" He asked.

"I don't care, just hurry it up! Can't you make it any faster?"

"I can change the time of death, place, manner of death, so long as everything is credible and plausible," Light answered while scribbling on the paper once more. He closed his eyes, touched his necklace and folded his hands once more. "By the name of God, have Itachi Uchiha die, by manner of heart attack at 5:43."

"Can I specify something about his death? For example, could I say his signature ponytail would be cut?" Sasuke asked.

"Of course," Light smiled, opening one eye then slowly closing it. He retouched his necklace. "With his ponytail cut off," he recited.

Sasuke called for Servant One.

"How does my brother?" He snarled.

"My deepest apologies," Servant One answered. "The wails of the Akatsuki are loud. Itachi Uchiha has died of a heart attack two minutes ago-"

"Was he bruised in any manner? Was his ponytail cut off?" Light asked eagerly.

"Yes. He died right after his hair was cut off in a fight."

Sasuke's eyes widened once more. As Servant One was dismissed, he turned towards Light, who beamed. He seized Light's hands.

"Congratulations," Sasuke smirked. "my so-called best friends ran off with their tails behind their legs. You, however, are not only smart but clever and have the power and courage already. I say we work together. I have money and you have the power of Kira."

"Do you really think so?" Light asked, his eyes shining.

Sasuke recoiled a bit, but continued nonetheless. "Of course," he answered. "Let us track down this troublesome man I know," he picked up the letter from Neo Van Erst, "and kill him together, my best friend."


	2. The Evil Hats are Toques

Sasuke do well in school, Sasuke you must work hard like father, Sasuke don't be a fool, Sasuke your brother will take up the company after, Sasuke never make useless requests, Sasuke get first place, Sasuke hide yourself always, Sasuke be the best.

_Who will die this time? The victim, Itachi, is-_

"Would it please your supreme highness to get the truck with the drunkard, the creepy stalkerish fangirl, and the he-she with questionable sexuality/gender out of here? Otherwise, we will be forced to fish out his organs with a kunai and donate them to people who need them, and your highness knows how much pain he will be in, knowing he has done some good for the world."

"Itachi, you jokester. Sakura just thinks of me as a friend, Naruto is drunk on ramen, and...wait, who's the he-she?"

"About that..."

_"Why is Itachi the head of the company? I'm smarter and better than him!"_

_"Sasuke. Listen. Itachi is older. That means he must get the company first_."

"Hey, Sasuke...I know we haven't talked a lot, but...we had the same father. Let's try to be friends, okay?"

_"DO NOT TICKLE ME! AUGH! PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT OR I'LL KILL YOU! YOU, YOU-ARACHNID!"_

"Hey, where are you going? Come back here! Itachi! Come back now, Itachi, what do you think you're doing? Where are you going? Itachi! You're stupid, Itachi! I hate you!"

_"Hello Itachi."_

_"Hello, little brother."_

_"Listen. I need you to kill somebody for me."_

_"Anything for you, little brother."_

_"You're the one who abandoned Uchiha Co, don't blame me, it's your own fault you're running around with a ragtag gang of savage outlaws. I could have arrested you, you know, and yet-"_

_"Silence. Who will die this time?"_

_"The victim is the woman you would have married. She abandoned you and hurt you. Those who hurt you must die. That is our family philosophy."_

_"Understood."_

"Understand, Servant Two, that if you want to move up a rank to the highest Servant position, you must be ready to dedicate yourself fully to me. No petty things like friendships or families should get into your way."

"Understood."

_"Listen up, Itachi, I need you again."_

_"Understood. Who will die this time?"_

_"The victims are that boy's parents, the blonde boy. Kill his parents if they refuse to give up the boy and adopt me instead."_

Sasuke blinked and opened his eyes, rubbing his horrid headache. He laughed softly to himself. Even as a child he was cold, wasn't he? Oh, how his head hurt so much.

"Servant Fifty-Three!" He hollered. Naruto appeared, wearing a mask, but you could see him trembling and tell he was terrified. "My head hurts. Get me some ice for it."

"Sir-Sasuke, a person named Yagami Light has arrived," Naruto answered.

"Be quiet!" Sasuke yelled. "Hand me the phone!" He ordered. Naruto immediately walked over and handed it to him. "Servant One, please allow Yagami Light in and send him to my office-" Sasuke noticed Naruto fiddling with something on his arm out of the corner of his eyes. He hung up then narrowed his eyes at Naruto. "Gimme that!" He seized Naruto's hand then ripped a bracelet from it. "What's this?" He snarled, clenching it tightly.

"It's...something...Sakura made," Naruto whispered.

"Unimportant!" Sasuke threw it out the window, relishing the look of desperation in Naruto's face. "But...it was given to me by..." Naruto began, his voice strangled.

"Ask Sakura to make you another!" Sasuke answered indifferently. "Besides, it's fine, we're best friends, right?" He asked. Naruto began to answer "Uh-"

"Don't worry," Sasuke smirked. "I've replaced you with somebody better, so now you and Sakura can do whatever you want." He walked out, leaving Naruto speechless. "Oh yeah. And get me some coffee, Fifty-Three," he smirked and slammed the door.

As he entered his office he put up a grumpy look, while feeling secretly delighted.

"What? You're a bit impertinent, you know, thinking you can show up any time," he scolded Light, who just laughed. "You're bold, deciding to disturb when I'm extremely busy." Ah, it was nicer to have somebody who didn't obey him so much and yet had the perfect, exact, wonderful mindset and listened to him.

"Well, I like getting things done ahead of time," he smiled.

"Is that so? So do I," Sasuke grinned. "Looks like we have a lot in common, best friend."

"We really do!" Light laughed. "Master Uchiha, how about we get straight to killing this dangerous person?"

Master Uchiha. Better than Sasuke-kun. Sasuke liked the way that sounded.

"They left behind what I believe to be a pseudonym of Neo Van Erst and appear to know about my company from inside."

"How about we summon your Secretary and look at all of your Servants? Most likely, it will be one of them," Light suggested. "Including your assistant and former secretary."

"No, they're just my assistant and my former Secretary...they wouldn't be...smart enough," Sasuke argued.

"I insist," Light sighed, wiping a microscopic particle of dust off Sasuke's desk. "After all, we want to find this traitor as soon as possible, right?"

Sasuke gave in. "Alright," he answered. "I'll call in Naruto and Sakura as well."

"You mean Number Fifty-Three?" Light asked, raising an eyebrow. "Isn't he-"

"Naruto's more than that! He's-he's-" Sasuke realized who Naruto really was. "Yes, he's just a Servant."

"We need for you to get over how they betrayed you," Light said in an understanding, soothing voice. "Come on, Master Uchiha, let us go find the traitor. Why are you laughing?"

"Because," Sasuke covered his mouth while grinning, "you are just perfect, best friend."

* * *

><p>"Sasuke, listen," Sakura spoke nervously, edging closer to him. Sasuke groaned and held his hand up to his head, which had started to throb even worser.<p>

"Yes, Sakura?" Sasuke asked smoothly. Screams of pain and Light's were soothing, calm voice came from the room next to them. Sasuke had planned to leave her exempt.

"Now, now, please take your medicine," Light's serene, calming voice spoke. Sasuke felt proud of his best friend. "You needn't be afraid, only admit if you are the traitor." Servant One, who really was his Secretary wearing the Servant Mask with the title of Servant One helped him to "persuade" the other Servants.

"A-are you really sure this is a good idea?" She asked, clenching the folds in her red dress. "I mean...what if the traitor wasn't one of your Servants, and what if..." she closed her eyes then reopened them sadly, "you would accuse the wrong person? What if somebody died? Sasuke, I honestly believed in you, but-"

"Nothing to worry about, Sakura, my plan is foolproof, and Neo Van Erst must die, or I will," Sasuke answered.

"Sasuke...I agree with Neo Van Erst," Sakura answered. Sasuke's mouth dropped. "You need to stop what you're doing."

"You-agree-with him?" He demanded.

"I-" Sakura was seized by Servant One.

"You are next!" He roughly shoved her into the room. Sakura screamed.

Sasuke was about to protest not to hurt Sakura, when he felt a weight on his shoulder and saw Light grimly leaning his hand on him.

"That is why we must," Light spoke, "not fall prey to their betraying words."

Sasuke nodded grimly. "They're all fake," he whispered. "Nobody cares. None of them."

Light stayed with him awhile and they watched the door close and the screams of pain as Servant One broke limbs again and again and tortured the Servants. It was sort of nice, sort of like how Itachi would sit with him and they'd just tiredly watch television together, just comfortable to be together and be in each other's presence. Of course, Itachi before he became a traitor and abandoned him. Sasuke blinked.

"You won't leave, will you?" He asked Light.

"I..." Light stared ahead. "Why would I leave you, Master Uchiha?" He asked, his voice a little less soothing than usual but just as good.

"That's what I thought," Sasuke nodded. "You shall replaced Naruto and Saukra's duties as you clearly are better than both of them."

After that, he noticed little things like how Sakura would come crying to Naruto, or how Naruto now looked at him with a cold look. Sasuke scoffed. Light was better, anyway, and those two were worthless and stupid and not worth him. Sasuke's head hurt even worse, and maybe even a spot in the left of his chest, but he knew it would all be over soon enough.

"Master Uchiha," Light walked towards him, "I found the traitor."

"Excellent," Sasuke spoke.

"His name is Naruto Uzumaki."

Sasuke's upper lip curled into a sneer. "Well, that makes up for that horrid headache I have."

"I'll get some ice. Somebody! Please get Master Uchiha some ice and-"

"I only respond to the commands of Uchiha-san," Servant One's monotonous voice replied over the intercom. "Oh," an embarrassed Light started to apologize, but Sasuke interrupted and said "It's fine, obey his commands from now on, Servant One. I trust Light."

"Oh, thanks," Light answered sheepishly scratching his head, "I didn't know-"

"It's fine, just make sure you don't make any more mistakes," Sasuke pretended to be irritated and went back to his computer. "My mother died in a fire rescuing me. So, about _Uzumaki,"_ he sneered.

"I suggest we take proper revenge and give him all he deserves," Light hissed. "Somebody who dared betray Master Uchiha should surely become a symbol for those who even think of speaking against you." All thoughts of quick, secret shootings or heart attacks left Sasuke's mind.

"Yes," Sasuke agreed, "why don't we? Let's escort him to a secret location and get it taken care of. And," he smirked, "since I've wiped away his parents, nobody but Sakura would notice. And Sakura's death certificate has been signed."

There was an odd silence from Light, who leaned against the wall with his arms and legs crossed. "Did you hear me?" He asked.

"Oh, yes, of course," Light answered. "I did the same thing too."

"Really?" Sasuke smirked.

"Yes," Light answered nervously. "S-some kids who called me stupid," he looked at the ground.

"Don't worry about those pieces of...seashells by the seashore," Sasuke took out a cigarette and lit it. "After you get used to it, your killings won't matter any more. As long as you make them normal, you won't have to worry about them. Besides, I can protect you, my best friend," he turned around and smiled at Light. Light nervously smiled back.

"Are you ready to punish the traitor?" Light asked.

"Yes," Sasuke answered. "Tell me, Light. Do you have anyone you want to die?"

Light stared at him.

"I'm Kira," he answered simply.

"No, no, not a criminal," Sasuke laughed. "I don't mean death, like when you watch somebody leave forever and you never will see them again. I mean when you watch somebody...slowly bleeding out...and begging for mercy, begging forgiveness for all their wrongs. As Kira, I guess you don't get too much of that privilege, as you can't afford to silence witnesses and you can't kill anybody near you without being suspected."

Light was silent for a while. "Evil people," he answered.

Sasuke smirked. "Like me? I'll admit, I'm quite the pain in the neck...very arrogant, very manipulative, very greedy...would you like for me to die? " he smiled.

"I..."

"I wouldn't mind dying," Sasuke took a drag. Light was silent a while. "I just regret not being able to watch Itachi go down. He sure was a...Kokua."

"Hm?" Light asked, confused.

"Oh, sorry, old habit," Sasuke coughed.

"We should go kill the traitor," Light answered uncomfortably.

Sasuke laughed. "Whatever you say, best friend," he stood up, "I agree completely!"

He threw the cigarette into the trash.

Servant One entered the room, dressed as a chauffeur. "Excuse me, is that smoke I smell?"

"Of course not," Sasuke grinned wildly, seizing Light's arm and hauling him along. "You know I hate smoke, Servant One. Now, let us go!"


	3. The Evil Fires are Explosions

Sasuke sat comfortably in the limousine. Inside of it were Naruto and Sakura, both tied up. Sakura was trembling and holding onto Naruto, who was glaring out the window.

"This is what happens to people who disobey Master Uchiha," Light declared. Sasuke turned his head and ordered Servant One to get them to the secluded location as quickly as possible.

"Naruto," Sasuke spoke, "do not blame me."

Naruto did not answer.

"Naruto-I'm afraid," Sakura spoke.

"Separate them!" Sasuke ordered.

Naruto hollered as Sakura kicked and screamed, punching Servant One, but Naruto was placed next to Sasuke and Sakura next to Light. Sasuke and Light squished Naruto and Sakura against the sides of the limousine and glared them down.

"Well, you two look unhappy," Sasuke remarked indifferently, taking out a cigarette.

"I thought you hated smoke?" Naruto asked crossly.

"Yes, and I like to punish myself too," Sasuke laughed. "How are you doing, Sakura dear?" Sakura did not answer. "Here, I am kind and merciful," Sasuke sighed and handed her a dagger. "I always keep this, it makes me feel better knowing I can leave anytime I want."

Sakura stared at the dagger.

"Light doesn't mind any blood at all, does he?" Sasuke smirked.

"Nope!" Light returned his grin a little shakily.

"Do what you want. You're an accomplice, but you haven't been formally proven by Light so I don't care how you die," Sasuke added.

"You-" Naruto snarled. Sasuke leaned towards his ear and whispered "Suicide is a human right and decision, really Naruto I'd have expected you to know that by now."

"I don't want your stupid dagger!" Sakura threw the dagger. It landed and pierced the leather seat behind Sasuke, an inch from his ear. He grimaced.

"Kokua," Sasuke grimaced.

"What does that mean?" Light asked.

"I dunno, it's the name of a Hawaian nut I think. I used to own a shampoo with it as an ingredient. Made my hair too stiff."

"Oh," Light said awkwardly.

"Yeah. Well. No need to be so ungrateful for my kindness, Sakura," Sasuke answered while pulling the dagger out in a calm, smooth motion. "At any rate, it would have increased your debt by another thousand-"

"You're not Sasuke-_kun!_ Only Naruto can call me Sakura now!" She hissed.

Sasuke's eyes widened then narrowed. "Are we there yet?" He hollered at Servant One.

"Yes, we are," Servant One answered calmly.

"Are you _sure_," Sasuke hissed at Light, "that he's Neo Van Erst?"

"Positive," Light answered. "I received this letter-"

"Gimme it!" Sasuke snatched the paper.

_Dear Sasuke Uchiha,_

_Well, well, old friend. I know you quite well, I knew you since you were a little kid. You're out to get me. But I'll tell you one thing; I'll take you by surprise. Meet me at the following location. Nobody goes in or comes out unless I say they can. For tonight, I'll let you in, we'll battle, and if you win you will be let out._

_Love,_

_Neo Van Erst_.

"I killed all of the other kids from our school," Sasuke pondered, "Itachi's dead, and so I guess that does leave only Nar- Servant Fifty-Three and her," he glared at Sakura who said nothing while staring ahead.

"By the way, you'll need to sign this," Light said absent-mindedly.

"What is it?" Sasuke asked.

"Oh, you know, could be a highly important contract, could be an electric bill. You run through hundreds of papers each day."

"Ah, fine then, I trust you best friend. Alright! Everybody out!" Sasuke ordered. He threw the door open and pushed Naruto out. "Hahaha, how does it feel like to be on the ground, worm?" Naruto just narrowed his eyes.

Sasuke laughed. His eyes widened as his head throbbed again, but he quickly hid the pain. "Naruto, Naruto, if you haven't noticed, I've got Servant One and Light, and all you've got is Sakura and yourself. That's three to two, old best friend. Besides, Sakura is very smart but she's not very strong for a girl."

"You're quite wrong," Sakura answered calmly.

"What do you mean?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow, amused.

"For instance, number one, you have been told three lies."

"Explain. No, not yet. That can wait. Servant One, kill Naruto," Sasuke instructed. "Light, start preparing the worst death possible for Naruto. Make him scream in pain for at least an hour."

"That can be done," Light started to touch his necklace and fold his hands.

"No!" Sakura screamed and threw herself onto her friend, but Servant One seized Naruto and walked behind the car. Sakura screamed fussed but could do nothing.

"What lies?" Sasuke and Light exchanged smirks.

"First of all, one about Light," Sakura spoke, tears running down her cheeks. "One about us, and one about Itachi."

"Itachi?" Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. "Well, he's dead, so-"

"That's just it," Sakura smirked. Sasuke's eyes widened. Just then he was tackled. "Oof!" He turned around expecting to see Itachi.

Instead, it was Servant One.

"Sasuke," Servant One laughed, "you thought you were perfect and everything, but really you were tricked from the start."

He took off his mask.

Of course, it was Itachi, ponytail and all.

"You," Sasuke snarled.

"Hello, little brother," Itachi smiled. "That's quite enough of you playing around and thinking you are God. Light, give me that dagger, and tie him up using Naruto's ropes."

Naruto and Sakura were both untied and shocked. Sasuke struggled, but to no avail.

"But-why?" he demanded.

"Honestly," Itachi sighed, "I left you a clue and everything but you didn't figure that out either."

"What do you mean?"

"Neo Van Erst is just an anagram for Servant One," Itachi laughed.

"Didn't you notice I never once called you best friend?" Light snarled.

"Honestly, weren't you suspicious about how I obeyed you so easily, and conveniently had no family? Well, looks like you're not so smart anymore," Itachi spoke. "Light, kill him."

"You can't kill me!" Sasuke burst out.

Light and Itachi stared at him.

"While you were sleeping, I had your fancy killing necklace replaced!" Sasuke grinned. "it's right here at my neck. Yours is just a copy. Also, I have untied my hands," he revealed. "By the name of God, have Itachi Uchiha, Uzumaki Naruto, Sakura Haruno, and Light Yagami die of heart attacks!" He closed his eyes and folded his hands.

Just then Light burst out laughing.

"What?" Sasuke demanded.

"The necklace was just a trick," he grinned. "What really kills people...is the paper," he flourished a folded sheet of paper in his shirt pocket.

_Dies remembering his most painful memory and begging forgiveness. Is slowly strangled, then has his ribcage shattered and all his limbs broken_.

"All I need to do is fill in your name," Light grinned.

"So-what you made me sign-" Sasuke gritted his teeth. Light shook his head.

"Actually, that would have been a great idea, but no. This contract confirms Sakura is alive and well, that Naruto is free, and both of them owe you no debt. Farewell Sasuke, but you're also a criminal and must be punished."

"But-you kill people! You're also criminals!" Sasuke yelled.

"Now, now, please take your medicine," Light said in a soothing, calm voice. "It won't hurt that much, really."

Who will die this time?

The victim is you.

"No! Don't kill him!" Naruto yelled.

"Why not?" Itachi and Light demanded.

"He-he-he was my best friend," Naruto answered. "And I'm not going to sink to his level."

"Hmph. Very well," Light rolled his eyes. "We'll incarcerate him then-hey, where's my Death Note paper?" He turned towards Itachi. They suddenly turned towards Sasuke who smirked at them, waving the paper at them.

"All I need to do is write the name of who I want to die, right?" Sasuke rolled up the paper, took out his pocket lighter and smoked the makeshift cigarette. He smirked at Itachi then threw the cigarette at Naruto, which burned him.

"You-" Itachi growled.

"Don't do anything!" Sakura yelled. "Leave him alone!"

"Why not?" Itachi snarled.

Just then Sasuke started coughing and clutching his chest.

"He didn't-" Light gasped.

"No, it's gotta be the cigarette!" Itachi yelled frustratedly.

_"Hey, Sasuke, can I see those marriage documents I signed?"_

_"I'm sorry, Itachi, but what marriage documents?"_

_"...Sasuke? You were at my wedding."_

_"And I say you never got married."_

_"Look, I know you don't like her, but-"_

_"Itachi, brother, you needn't worry for her. I have arranged a lovely marriage for you with this person who will benefit the company greatly."_

_"Sasuke. What happened to her?"_

_"Who?"_

_"The woman I married."_

_"Actually, I had her arrested by Kakashi. She was a highly dangerous S-rank criminal, not worth you."_

_"You..."_

_"Brother, you are a fine young man, head of a highly successful major corporation. Why dirty your blood? Besides, she was just marrying you for money. Those documents you signed were really contracts saying you would pass over the control of Uchiha Co. to me."_

_"She was?"_

_"Look, here are her records. Hey, where are you going? Come back here! Itachi! Come back now, Itachi, what do you think you're doing? Where are you going? Itachi! You're stupid, Itachi! I hate you!"_

Ah, Sasuke thought. So...it was my fault Itachi left. Ha, ha...

Sasuke's eyes turned glassy.

"Itachi, my chest hurts!" He called out. "Itachi! Iachi! Where are you?"

Light and Itachi watched, stupefied.

"Itachi! Where are you? I miss you! I miss Mommy, I miss Daddy, I want to go home!" Sasuke cried. "Itachiii! Come back! I'll do anything! I want you back here now!"

Naruto shielded Sakura's eyes, but she slapped his hand away.

_Suicide is a human right and decision, really Naruto I'd have expected you to know that by now_.

"He...he wrote his own name on that paper didn't he?" Light asked Itachi.

"What are you waiting, for, kill them! He doesn't deserve to have parents! Ita-" Sasuke cried in pain.

"_Hiii! You're Sasuke-kun, right?" The pink-haired girl asked._

_"Hn...yes?"_

_"I heard you're one of the best students here! Also, I heard we're going to have the same trainer," she added._

_"Hn..."_

_"Listen, I need to borrow a book from cause I forgot mine...is that okay?" the girl asked._

_"Sure..."_

_"Thank you!" She stole the book. "Let's see, Manifest Destiny, Henry VIII had six wives, Louis the Fourteenth was the state, George III granted independence...alright! Thank you. How much will this cost me?" She asked._

_"Cost?"_

_"At the library, they make us pay for books we buy," Sakura spoke._

_"Hm...about, five dollars?"_

_"Okay! I'll pay you them by the end of this weekend."_

The orange kid never looked like he'd ever amount to anything. He stank at everything, and was always laughing. It annoyed him how somebody laughed at his failures, he should be crying and learning from them.

But what Sasuke hated most about that kid, was how he played with parents.

For long lazy hours they'd play together laughing and smiling, as if they were the happiest people in the world, and the mother would grin just like her child and the father was always there to support the kid.

_The days where Itachi was with his girlfriend, Sasuke spent alone and brooding by himself. All the other kids considered him too scary or snobbish. And Sakura, well, she wasn't always there. Sasuke enjoyed increasing her debt to him little by little so she would always have to be around to amuse him, he didn't know why, maybe by giving her some jelly beans he'd bought with his pocket money or buying her new books that made her eyes light up._

_That's when the orange kid suddenly came upon him._

_"Hey," the orange kid said, "can you teach me how you do that?"_

_"Do what?" Sasuke asked, surprised the orange kid had talked to him._

_"You know...everything," the orange kid's face turned red. "I'm the worst student, so I can't do anything."_

_"Oh. Well, that's really easy." Then a smirk flashed across his face. "But I won't tell you~"_

_"What do you mean!" Naruto angrily asked. "Aaargh! Come back here, you mean old bully and I'll throw you halfway across the world, you...ARACHNID!"_

The moment before he died, Sasuke's last coherent thought was of Naruto's bracelet. Just then he remembered, Sakura had made the three of them bracelets. But Naruto, being an idiot, had lost or damaged his somehow. Sasuke suddenly realized, right then, that he himself had given his own bracelet to Naruto.

"Guess I can die in peace now, then," he smiled. "Maybe I'm not a complete-"

* * *

><p>Naruto unwrapped the burnt cigarette. On one side of the paper, the death description was crossed out while <em>Sasuke Uchiha, dies of a long drawn out painful heart attack<em> was written. On the other side, S_orry_ was hastily scrawled.

"Think of it this way," Sakura remarked. "This way he won't have to worry about his headache anymore."

Sasuke screamed out in pain again, then trembled a bit and then stopped moving.

Itachi snatched the dagger from Light and cut off his ponytail.


End file.
